Relative Happiness in the New York Times

An interesting NY Times article.

Obviously individual cases differ from the general, but the idea that women feel more pressure to do more doesn't surprise me a lot. I think there are unique challenges for either gender in this day and age, but there are some that are more gender-specific than others. There are, for instance, higher beauty expectations for women - I am quite certain that women (some of them) don't spend half an hour to an hour on their hair and makeup every morning because they like doing it. It requires more time for a typical woman to look good by general standards than it does for a typcal man. There are also issues with life goals. Men sometimes complain about having to choose a career based not only on what they love, but also on how much they get paid if they're going to someday support a family. I agree that this is a concern. But I disagree that things are easier for a woman. Any time I make a education or career decision, I have to consider the fact that I also would like a family, but also that I don't know when that will be or how my work might fit in. I'd like to be able to say that I'll just deal with that issue when it comes along, but realistically I can't, simply because I do expect it to come along, eventually. This is actually quite stressful.

I also wonder if sometimes our happiness (both men and women) is affected by all the expectation of personal choice we have built up. I've heard everyone from the Baby Boomer generation to the rising youth called the "Me Generation" and I think that's true. Sure, people have always wanted to be happy. But there's a huge emphasis on personal fulfillment in today's society. Your job should be personally fulfilling, and if it isn't then you should find a new one. Your marriage should be personally fulfilling, and if it isn't then you should end it and find personal fulfillment on your own. Your life in general should be personally fulfilling - if you don't have time to do what you love, then something's wrong. This message isn't coming from everywhere. There are other voices telling us that if you want to find fulfillment in work you've got to work your way up, and if you want happiness in marriage you're going to have to put in a lot of effort and patience, and getting time to do what you love in the future is going to require sacrifice today. But sometimes those voices are a lot quieter than the others. I admit myself that I feel some large degree of entitlement to personal fulfillment. If I'm not completely happy, I naturally suspect that something's wrong (and sometimes it is, but not always).

Some food for thought, I guess.