Pulling Out All the Stops

[I'll put this up front because I think it ruins the effect if I put it at the end of this post: I have a couple more book reviews up on my blog: 1984 and The Magicians. Check them out. It makes me happy when you do.]

My home ward in California has always gone all out for Christmas programs. We have a notoriously ambitious ward choir (the kind that sings "anthems" instead of "hymn arrangements") and lots of musically talented ward members with preciously musical children. This means that when the ward Christmas program rolls around, most of the congregation will sit perplexedly through songs with strange titles like "Whence Is That Goodly Fragrance Flowing?" or "Gaudeaumus Hodie," muddle their way through the first page of the annual congregational singing of the Hallelujah chorus before losing their place and giving up, and leave wondering what ever happened to "Away in a Manger" and "Joy to the World." Personally, I really, really like cool arrangements of lesser-sung carols. But I also agree with my bemused parents that there might be a limit to what you should force upon your typical LDS family ward.

For all their questionable ambition, I do have to give my home ward credit for initiating my now-long-term involvement with ward Christmas programs in the first place during my senior year of high school. That was the year I was asked to step in as the choir accompanist for the ward Christmas program, and then invited to sing along with them during the a capella pieces. My role that year involved twice-weekly rehearsals (really) and four Christmas arrangements, including one intense, fast-paced Benjamin Britten piece that terrified me every single time I sat down at the piano. I had never accompanied a choir before and it was trial by fire, but I came out a pretty decent accompanist and have been doing it ever since.

For the last few years I've been involved in actually putting together Christmas programs for the Hill Street Ward, including the infamous Blizzard of 2007 when my own trek to the chapel took well over an hour, and the choir members were almost the only ones who actually made it. But we all made it, and we still sang. As much as I loved being involved, though, it actually made it hard to sit back and enjoy the last few years. I was always so concerned with whether everyone knew what they were doing and when, and whether the choir had had ample practice time, and whether the talks and the musical numbers would fit together nicely, that I couldn't relax and feel the spirit until it was all over and I could look back and realize that it had all come together.

So this year I was content not to be involved. I mean, as a known music person I certainly did my part. I played a set at the ward Christmas party and volunteered myself for a December musical number and brushed up on my Christmas prelude music for the organ. But I never made it to a choir rehearsal, and up until a week ago the actual Christmas program was entirely out of my hands.

Then I was asked to accompany a musical number. Then the choir pianist found out she would be playing the Hallelujah Chorus, which she was certain she could not learn in a week, and petitioned my help and we hurriedly arranged to play it together on the organ. Then this morning, since I was already there on the stand, I decided I might as well just go ahead and sing along with the choir. It's hard not to get sucked in.

For the first time in several years I was in a position to just enjoy the music. I didn't actually feel a huge amount of responsibility for anything, and the Hallelujah Chorus was a blast to play on the organ. Yet what I found was that the program didn't have the spiritual resonance for me that it had had in the years that I helped put it all together. That is, while I remember the stress of previous years, that process of finding people to perform, and looking carefully at the music they chose, and putting everything in order, and reflecting on how it all came together afterward, really did something for me. It allowed me to appreciate the talents and hard work of our ward members, and to learn something from the thematic connections of the songs and talks, and to recognize the ability of the Lord to step in at the last minute and make up for everything that I couldn't do on my own, and it was a really powerful experience. It's like giving a talk or teaching a lesson, where you know that you are getting more out of it than anyone who is listening. I hadn't fully realized what a important spiritual experience occurred in the undercurrent of the stressful behind-the-scenes work until I stepped away from it.

I know that music can be a powerful conduit of the Spirit, and it's not about how well the music is performed. I felt that power in the Hallelujah Chorus today, and while it sounded amazing, it was not because it sounded amazing but because of the sincerity and testimony of everyone involved. I'm grateful that I had my behind-the-scenes experience during the last few years, and I'm grateful for the people in my current ward who underwent that experience themselves this year. I hope they got as much out of it as I did, that they recognize it better than I did at the time, and that some of that carried itself out into the congregation today along with the music.