Busy, busy, busy...

Life was supposed to flow much more smoothly once I finished my thesis. I imagined days that were just empty enough to make me slightly bored and ready to go back to school in September. I would read books and watch movies and get around to packing just a bit early and become a fully active writer/researcher on the 100 Hour Board again and write on my blog and keep up to date on everyone else's blogs and spend time with my brother and sister before I leave and devote myself fully to my seven students because they aren't competing with a thesis or personal classwork and making a little side money by accompanying voice lessons twice a week and attend Poetasters and Triangles and stay up-to-date on BB and plan great family home evenings and read my scriptures for a good solid block of time every day and write in my journal and spend time with friends I've been neglecting and participate in social events whenever I have the opportunity and just enjoy myself.

Okay, it's not that hard to see why I'm actually feeling more stress now than I was before I finished. When the thesis was top priority, I didn't have to even think about quite a few of the things on that list. But now that I don't have the thesis hanging over my head, I am eager to make every one of those top priority, and don't know where to start cutting things out. I'm afraid my class is suffering a little bit (although they probably don't realize it) and it's a good thing they don't come to my office hours because I don't know that I have been coming to my office hours. This week I started writing on my calendar so that I wouldn't forget events and obligations - I have never done that before. I always just remember what I'm supposed to do and when, and if something is ultra important and I think I might forget I just write it on a sticky note and stick it in a prominent place in my work area. And I rarely have more than one sticky note staring at me, if even that.

The problem is that once I factor out responsibilities (teaching, answering 100HB questions, etc.), most of the other stuff comes down to people. And I really, really don't want to cut back on people. I love spending time with people and getting to know people. It's been especially fun meeting and interacting with Blue Beta people (I very much enjoyed our Friday night movie night, chatting with Ambrosia, Cinderella, Thirdmango, and Tiblittle afterwards, and chatting some more with Ambrosia after that - I was absolutely set on making it home to get to bed by 10:30, and finally crawled under the covers around midnight...). And suddenly all sorts of older friends are cropping up and wanting to spend time with me - a friend who I've known since junior high came into town from New York (state) this week, another is flying in from Chicago to visit my married friend and anyone else who happens to be around, another who moved up to Highland has invited me up to her house anytime I want and has planned a movie night tomorrow, another (who is seven months pregnant) has finally finished teaching and is sitting around the house doing nothing and wanting to catch up on weekly walks, another will be flying out with her husband to visit at the end of the month. It's great - I love being social and being a good friend. But at times right now it almost feels like too much.

The other problem is that I am feeling hopelessly inadequate when it comes to sustaining friendships. I am already overwhelmed with trying to keep up with where I am, and I am doing almost nothing to more firmly establish newer friendships. I feel like I already know the old friends and want to spend time getting to know the new people, and want to go outside my comfort zone to do so even though I know I'm going to be leaving soon and it almost doesn't seem worth the effort (except that I like these people and think it is worth the effort). And at the same time, I know that if I want to maintain the old friendships, I need to put in time and effort while the opportunity is there. It's one thing to trust that a friendship will still be there after months of silence when you're on opposite sides of the country - it's quite another when you're just a few blocks apart.

I guess I like this kind of stress better than I like thesis stress, but it's no less frustrating. And I wonder what will happen when I start up school again and no longer have time for all these things I want to spend my time on right now.

Ah well, a time for everything I suppose.