I am almost desperate to cut my hair. And I think I will actually go through with it soon, given that I have already "officially decided" to do it twice. But I am having a very, very hard time actually following through with my decision. The thing is, my hair is the longest it's been in just under a decade, since I first chopped it to shoulder-length back in high school, and I've been having fun remembering what it's like to have hair that, even pulled into a ponytail, hangs several inces below my shoulders.
But the fun is wearing off, and I find that most of the time I am just annoyed with my hair. Whether I wear it curly (as curly as my hair gets, that is) or straight, I am finding that I can no longer make it more than a few hours without wanting to pull it back in a ponytail, and I've been giving in to the temptation more and more frequently. A friend of mine last summer (with whom I had a very happily platonic relationship) made it known on several occasions that he found ponytails quite attractive (actually, what he really said was, "girls in ponytails are hot"), but I somehow can't bring myself to believe that this is a common opinion, and every time I pull my hair back I feel like I'm just being lazy and making it look like I don't really care.
The only reason I can think of for keeping my hair long is the convenience of pulling it back wet into a bun. And the fact that when I went and visited a friend in Chicago this past week she commented on how long my hair was getting and told me sincerely that she thought it looked very good on me. And the fact that I tried to grow my hair out many times over the course of my college career and this is the first time I have actually succeeded and I don't want to give up so soon.
And really, I am just indecisive. It's funny - I was thinking about what a struggle this decision is for me and it occurred to me that I have a harder time making little, relatively inconsequential decisions than I do making huge decisions. I've been trying to figure out why this is, why I can say with certainty, "I am going to such-and-such univeristy for my doctoral degree next year" but I cannot say "I will cut six inches off my hair" and feel good about it, even though I am not really particularly happy with the length of my hair as it is.
Maybe it's because the decisions are less consequential. Logically it seems to me that the decisions of greater consequence should be the more difficult ones to make, that I would get stuck in all the possibilities (good and bad) of each decision and never be able to move forward on a single one, whereas the least consequential decisions should be throw-away decisions because it really doesn't matter one way or the other. But my mind doesn't seem to work that way. On the one hand I think, well, I could go to University A or University B and my choice is going to have a huge impact on my life from this point on, but whatever comes I will deal with it and so be it. And on the other hand I think, I have no idea what sort of consequences could arise from cutting my hair or from not cutting my hair and therefore there is no posisble way for me to make an informed, conscientious decision and I'd rather not have to make the decision at all because once I do I have to deal with consequences I could not possibly have foreseen that were nevertheless of my own doing.
You know, none of this really makes sense to me. I think I'll go cut my hair.
Tomorrow, maybe.
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Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
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3 comments:
It's always the same thing.
Long = more attractive and less convenient.
Short = less attractive and more convenient.
C'est la vie.
I do the same thing, Leibniz. I generally give myself a point after which I'll cut dramatically- usually long enough to donate it to locks of love again. But I get used to it long, and I like it for the most part, despite the inconvenience. So although I could cut it off right now, between them cutting off the required 10, trimming off the mangled end bits they can't use anyway, and then actually styling it, it'll be quite a bit shorter.
And TO, I don't believe most males really think that so much as they think they think it. I know many shorter-haired females who look gorgeous, and the attention the receive backs that up, whilemany long-haired ones just look ratty. Perhaps it's part confidence issue, and part the care and styling of the hair.
Actually, short hair can sometimes be less convenient. For me it is anyway. Long hair has the advantage that if you are late to something, say work in the morning, you can put your hair in a ponytail and still look ok. But short hair? If it's remotely messed up, you have to take the time to fix it. At least that has been my experience, so I make sure I know what I'm doing before I actually decide to cut my hair. Right now my hair is actually pretty long, but I've learned that it does this natural semi-curl thing, which is almost comparative on the convenience scale. So it might stay long for awhile.
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