And now it's time to talk about...marriage

Well, it had to appear sometime. 'Cause how can you be young(ish), single, and LDS, and not think about marriage in some way, shape, or form? I've actually been anticipating this post for a couple weeks now, and because it's Friday I finally decided I would let myself take time to sit down and write it. I know what I want to say, but I started thinking about how I might say it as I got ready for school this morning, and I had two thoughts that have now sent my ideas careening elsewhere.

Thought #1: Marriage is more important to me than getting a PhD.

Thought #2: I am not willing to give up my pursuit of a doctorate in order to be married.

Do I contradict myself?

In one of my classes recently we were talking about beliefs and belief systems, and how people can hold contradictory beliefs because either a) they don't reflect on the relationship between their beliefs, or between their beliefs and their practice, or b) they hold those beliefs in completely separate sheres of their lives and therefore never experience situations in which they are forced to face (and deal with) the contradiction. That second one certainly applies in some form to my experience because it's not as though I have suitors lining up on my doorstep to try to entice me away from my decision to go get a PhD with a ring. It's more than likely that I will never have to decide between a doctorate and marriage, and so those two thoughts that I have will never actually have to face each other down.

But they are still seemingly contradictory thoughts, and this realization made me pause this morning and wonder how I could possibly believe whole-heartedly in both of them. And I guess what I decided was that the problem lay not with my beliefs, but with the way I chose to phrase those beliefs. Because it's not marriage in and of itself that is more important to me. It's marriage to the right person in the right place at the right time (and all of those "rights"). It's not so much that I would rather get married than get a PhD, but that I am willing to devote more to a good, strong marriage relationship than to a PhD, that they are both high priority, but marriage is higher.

Furthermore, because of the direction my life is taking, and because I feel this direction is at the very least approved by God, and possibly inspired by God, I also believe that any marriage (or potential marriage) that would force me to decide between my educational goals and my husband, without leaving any room for both, would not be right for me in the first place. Basically, if I was faced with #2 in that I had to decide whether I was willing to give up my PhD for marriage, #1 wouldn't apply because that wouldn't be the type of marriage that was right for me. And if I was faced with #1 in that I was faced with the prospect of marriage while still in pursuit of my education, #2 wouldn't apply because I believe that any marriage that is right for me will be one in which I also have the freedom to pursue other righteous desires, in which I support my husband in his pursuits and he supports me in mine.

Whew. I've resolved my contradiction! And in the process I've managed to bypass everything I was intending to write in this post. I'd go ahead and write it now anyway, except that I think the subsequent length of this post would almost guarantee that no one would actually read it. I guess that just means there's a Part II in the works...